On the Things We Call Love
AI translated from the original Chinese.
Generated by Gemini
In a chart we can see how the people we have an affinity with show up, so I ask clients to prepare the birth years and zodiac signs of the people related to them as a basis for the reading. I remember once, in conversation with a client:
- Q: How do you know whether someone has an affinity with you?
- A: In a university class, almost everyone shares one of just two zodiac signs; only someone whose character resonates with your chart will be your affinity. For example, people of the same sign have different characters, some outgoing, some introverted. Suppose your destined one is a Goat with an outgoing character; then an introverted "Goat" won't be someone you have an affinity with. As for how to know whether you have an affinity with a particular person, that is beyond the scope of fate reading. We only discuss people with whom an affinity has already happened, not those you have none with.
I once saw a female client like this. Before marriage, her husband courted her ardently and tried every way to please her; after marriage, he believed a wife should put the family first. If the wife had a career outside, besides contributing to household expenses, she still had to look after the home.
This subject is highly capable at work and earns well. At work, besides showing her ability, beneath her seemingly forceful manner she maintains good relations with people and has the ability to integrate and lead.
But in her marriage, she swallows grievances to keep the peace and tries every way to please. Even busy with work, she has given everything to play the role a wife should play, yet she has never been recognized as a good enough wife.
As for the husband who tried so hard to please her before marriage: after marriage, while she was busy, he told the children, "Mommy only loves work, she doesn't love you." Even when she came home from work and dragged her exhausted body to spend time with the children she loves so much, she could no longer win their understanding.
Let's look at this chart:
The subject's 命宮 (Life Palace) has 破軍 (Po Jun) and 文昌 (Wen Chang), the pattern of early death. Her 夫妻宮 (Spouse Palace) has 紫微 (Zi Wei), 文曲 (Wen Qu) and 擎羊 (Qing Yang); she should be the dominant, overbearing one in love. So how do we explain her self-sacrifice in love?
Let's switch to another chart from the perspective of love.
In this chart, in the 丑 Palace, 七殺 (Qi Sha) is the subject's main star. Let's look at the 丑 Palace:
The 丑 Palace (with its three sides and four directions: 酉, 巳, 未)
- 丑 Palace: a weak palace, the pattern of grievance.
- 丑 Palace: 七殺 meeting 地劫 (Di Jie), "七殺 falls into emptiness" and loses its power; in marriage she is the one who swallows grievances to keep the peace
- 巳 Palace: 祿存 (Lu Cun) meeting 地空 (Di Kong) and 地劫: confused thinking, losing rational judgment in the face of love
- 酉 Palace: 地空 meeting 天姚 (Tian Yao) and 咸池 (Xian Chi): diluting the romance quality; she gives wholeheartedly only for love
Overall judgment: in love the subject is aggrieved, powerless, and unable to think clearly. She can only let herself be manipulated, giving wholeheartedly without necessarily getting anything in return.
Adding the husband's heavenly stems to the chart
The husband is a Rat, so the 子 Palace represents him before marriage: with 左輔 (Zuo Fu), 天梁 (Tian Liang) and 鈴星 (Ling Xing), he courted her with every care, doing his utmost to make her happy.
After marriage, the husband's main star is 貪狼 (Tan Lang), sharing the palace with 紫微. Let's look at the 己酉 Palace.
The 己酉 Palace (with its three sides and four directions: 乙巳, 癸丑, 癸卯)
- 酉 Palace: 紫微, 貪狼 + 天鉞 (Tian Yue): lofty and highly controlling.
- 酉 Palace: 紫微, 貪狼 + 地空: thinks a lot, does little, cares about face.
- 酉 Palace: 地空 + 咸池 and 天姚: diluting the romance quality; the husband is faithful in love
- 酉 Palace: stem 己, 武曲 (Wu Qu) becomes 化祿 and 貪狼 becomes 化權, strengthening the husband's need for control
- 巳 Palace: stem 乙, 天機 (Tian Ji) becomes 化祿 and 太陰 (Tai Yin) becomes 化忌. 天機 represents the family; with both 化祿 and 化忌, he seems to act for the family's good but in fact damages it
- 丑 Palace: stem 癸, 貪狼 becomes 化忌, making the husband's control unrestrained
- 卯 Palace: stem 癸, 貪狼 becomes 化忌, making the husband's control unrestrained
Overall judgment: the husband is faithful, but believes keeping the family happy means centering it on himself: going along with his wishes keeps the family harmonious, and defying them is what destroys it. Thinks a lot, does little, cares about face.
Talking with the subject, I could feel how sad she was that her children didn't understand her; it seemed no matter how much she did, she could not win back their hearts.
But I took a brief look at the child's destiny, and her child will in fact also become a busy, strong career woman. When that time comes, the child will understand: so that's what my mother was going through back then...
Summary:
What is love, really? Among thousands upon thousands of people, to meet the one you love: what an incredible affinity. Before marriage, she was loved for being herself; after marriage, cracks appeared also because she was being herself:
- "I love you, because I love your expression when you work. Your diligence, your focus, everything about you draws my eyes."
- "I love you, but why do you spend so much time working, why won't you stay at home and look after your husband and children, why won't you take care of the family properly?"
What was loved at first later became what was resented. What love really is, I don't know, and I suppose no one does. But I think that if it is true love, one should love everything about the other forever, without trying to change them. Is that possible?